How to become a social butterfly in just three steps

guest post by Esther Klein

Posted by Esther Klein on June 7th at 3:46pm

I used to be very reserved. To stand in front of others was everything but pure joy. As well as going up to others starting a conversation.

Being wired like that isn’t a problem at all. However, I wanted to change. I was dissatisfied with my inability and it always made me feel uncomfortable.

Three things have helped me along the way. They still do and I‘ve put them down for you ...

1. Say YES when you actually want to say NO

Eventually I faced my fear.

It’s been during my apprenticeship that a couple of students had the opportunity to share about their experiences infront of the coaches.

My instant reaction was: Absolutely NOT me.

Therefore I knew: It had to be me.

So I did it. And you know what? No one laughed at me, no one kicked me or treated me bad in any other way.

HOWEVER, I grew a lot in my self-esteem that day.

2. Make a decision

Many people say „That´s just how I am.“ or „I can´t behave another way.“

I think that`s rubbish.

Everyone can change and everyone can learn certain things! You just have to have the will to do it and then make a decision to really do it again and again.

To walk up to people is something I do intentionally every time. I don´t do it out of my personality but rather have to overcome it in order to do so.

Over time it has become more easy. That certainly happened because I´ve never experienced that others weren´t thankful for me to start talking to them.

3. Take the focus off you

There are always enough reasons not to start a conversation or to skip meeting someone new today.

I want to be just for myself right now. I´m not in the mood right now. I´m tired at the moment. I got to go. There are so many others who can do it. I´m quite busy. This person probably doesn´t want to talk anyway. That person looks a bit dodgy ... And of course many.

Does at least one of these reasons sound familiar to you?

To go up to someone takes the focus off your own ego. If I do that I´m totally with that person, which takes me away from my ego that tries to convince me how much better off I would be if I wouldn´t care. We evolve around ourselves quite enough.

Maybe you´re thinking „Why should I care about others anyway? I´m happy just as I am.“

In this case think about a situation in that you´ve been this „new“ person or haven´t had someone to talk with. Remember this moment when you would have welcomed someone come up to you to have a chat. Or this moment when it actually happened and you were very thankful.

It adds value to others. However, I´ve felt blessed afterwards as well.

What are your experiences in meeting new people?

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