Is being nice a bad thing? Of course, it is, itsn´t it! However, he who just wants to be nice all the time will get stuck every now and then. In addition to that he won´t even endear himself to others - even if he thinks he does.
Concerning my personality I´m wired to avoid strictness, provocation and conflict. I want to be nice. I want others to like me.
When it comes to my work with other people, this friendly approach is helpful. Even though my experience taught me: It´s possible to overdo it. Alright, I overdo it.
In the last couple of years I´ve made the following observations. Out of them I started to change my behavior in three areas:
1. People love straight communication - send a clear message!
"I can´t believe you´re not able to do the presentation today!" I was speechless but it dawned on me: It was my fault. I had learned on the subject of communicating the task of a project as clear as possible but this time I had neglected to give a deadline.
So these two apprentices were sitting in front of me but without a chance to meet my expectations. Just because I had been afraid to give them a little pressure.
I myself like to receive straight communication. To be the one who sends it isn´t that easy for me. I need to change this.
How do you communicate with others?
2. People love to excel themselves. - Challenge them!
If it was about opening a youth café, becoming a pastor or moving to a big city, there has always been somebody who encouraged me to make a bold step. For sure it had been easier and more comfortable to stay where I was. Nevertheless it was worth it every single time.
Today I´m so grateful for leaders, mentors and role models who challenged me. I myself want to encourage others to take risks in small and big steps.
How often do you challenge others?
3. People love to improve themselves. - Give them feedback!
It hurts. Sometimes more, sometimes less but it´s never fun to receive it. I can´t remember any conversation in which it was´t painful in some way.
One time two of my leaders took me aside. They addressed the bad and proud attitude which I had started to develop. I was so challenged it took weeks for me to digest it. But they were right and I was thankful for their openness. Only this way I had the chance to take notice and adjust my behavior.
If feedback is given with the right attitude and some sensitiveness it can make a positive difference. That´s my experience. This is why I want to learn to speak it out more freely.
How good are your feedback skills?
Which of these areas is the most challenging for you? How do your experiences look like? Let me know in the comments below.
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